Of the hundreds of relationships you participate in throughout the course of your roller coaster life — associations of all kind: good/bad, joyful/sad, casual/serious, friendly/hostile, short/long, romantic/heartbreaking and everything in between, there’s always ONE relationship that harrows you like an old wound that refuses to heal. It haunts your mind, frequents your thoughts — maybe because you let it, maybe because you’re reluctant to fight a losing battle when your emotions are swinging like saloon doors on rusty hinges. You live, you breathe, you dream, you repeat — but such austere malady won’t go away and your heart and resolve commit to a constant tug of war, each pulling on one end of your instincts. So you might as well diagnose yourself a royal schizophrenic! Wrestling with your emotions over the dream of someone who still claims so much of your sentiment but is no longer there… well isn’t that lovely.
And so you sit and think.
But you CAN’T think about things like this so you distract yourself!
And it actually works.
Wow, I feel better already.
Goodbye now to the breakdown between thought, emotion and behavior. Farewell to faulty perception and inapt actions and feelings. Goodbye to withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion. Good riddance to an overwhelming sense of mental fragmentation!
Life is way too short to worry about the past, and I for one, don’t have time for anxiety.
If you need me, I’ll be in my comfy sweatshirt with a camera staring at the world around me.
When my mom pulled the covers off me this morning(read early-morning),I was still half asleep,and as I am not much of a morning person,I was pretty annoyed at first,but all that seemed to disappear as soon as Maa brought me a delight-ably yummy cup of hot chocolate.My romance with life continued because as I rose up from my bed,and went to my window,with the cup in my hand,to sit down, a pretty sight greeted me,the neighbor girl was on the roof with her brother,flying a brilliantly striped PURPLE KITE in the pristine blue February sky.
EYES WIDE OPEN!!!
There was something really rejuvenating about the whole thing,I just stared on,as the kite soared in the early morning wind.It kept on rising,until,it was a small dot.immediately I finished my cup,and went over there with my camera,just to capture the moment.I was pretty happy with the picture I got,and while looking at it,in my laptop screen,long after the morning had passed,something struck me.
Kites,or 'GHURI' as they call them here in Bengal,have something really inspirational and awe-inspiring about them.Well...before going further,I must add,that I can't fly a kite,even to save my life,but growing up in sub-urban Calcutta(yes,Calcutta),I know the sense of passion people down here attach,with flying kites.
Staring down at the picture in my laptop screen,I couldn't help but notice the parallel that can be drawn with flying a kite and life itself.Growing up as a kid I could never understand why people had such a craze about flying a piece of paper but over the years,I realized that a kite is not merely just a piece of paper,in fact it is lot more..It is symbolic of the eternal human desire to fly,it provides wings to the person's soul to soar up above the daily troubles of life and fly high.When the kite catches the great easterly and rises up,you sense a thrill of anticipation yourself,as if you are rising along with it.
I remember back then in my teenage days,I sometimes used to spend my entire afternoon just gazing up at the sky and watch those pretty colorful dots,soar up,gracefully.Staring at those flying kites almost took your mind off to a different world all-together,a world without any worries or limits,a world without boundaries where you feel a sense of freedom watching those independent dots waltz to the tune of the blowing breeze.Your heart dances gleefully at the sight of them and you suddenly find yourself,SMILING.
It was a lazy spring afternoon,and I was engrossed in my thoughts while my eyes was fixed at the picture that i had just clicked.The silence was broken when Maa called out for lunch.As I glanced over by my bedside table,I saw the clock indicating that it was 10 past 2 in the afternoon.My room was filled with bright sunlight coming through the open window,and as I went up to it,I realized the roof was empty.The girl and her brother where no-where to be seen,neither was the kite.
The roof was EMPTY!!!
I came back and sat by my bed,Maa called me again, and as I looked to hibernate my laptop,I found her.There she was,flying the kite,right in front of me.A smile came to my lips.Somehow I really loved the picture.I took one last view and put my computer to sleep.I just wondered if she would be there again,when my computer woke-up.
Something told me, SHE WOULD.
I managed a smile again..:)
they say,there is a time for everything,and if you want to succeed in your life then that time-table should be maintained.but there-in lies 'me'.'coz you see,the clock in my computer says its 12.03 am,and a depressed 'me',is sitting in front of his laptop,with shaky hands,and a bottle(pint) of whiskey(which i stole from my dad's stock),and is writing down a blog,for which he couldn't decide a title.
they also say,that to be a good writer,you have to be an avid reader.well,as i m not much of a reader.I can't assure you,about the quality of this blog.all i can say is this is the perception of life,'through my eyes'.
i am blogging,because i want to,and its keeping my head occupied,from the world around me,of which i am so disgusted off..
i have some very basic questions going through my head right now,some of which i can't express in words,yet those which can,includes questions such as: "why does it happen,that decisions are based on our ego?",or"why is it,that we often tend to remember the bad memories,while we store the good ones in some cold-forgotten locker of our subconscious?".its really in times,when you are depressed as hell,does these questions come to your head,but you never get the answers....do you..!!
today afternoon,when i was working on designing my blog-page(yes,i m still a bloody amateur),i had a completely different topic in mind,which i was to post this evening.yet somehow,the chain of events leading up to the dreaded 12.03 am,demanded 'me',to 'this',which makes me think of yet another thing.."life's too unpredictable,don't you think".
as i take the first sip of this undiluted whiskey (tastes like hell),i can't help but ponder ,why does life has to be so hard all the time.it keeps coming back at you.it never gives you time to settle,and the moment you think,you have a leash on it,the 'happy' life,slips away again.i just wish,i am consumed by the silence and the darkness of the serene night.darkness is bliss.at
least for me.
so long for now,i just wish,life as it is,could be much better,if it were a lil' simpler.but then again...i guess,it's just a wishful thinking of a semi-drunk 20 year old..happy living folks.
ps: dear readers,i apologize for the grammatical errors in the casing of the letters,because i am too damn tipsy and frustrated to care for 'shift keys' and all.and to all those who are wondering,how i managed to write so properly,it's because from 12.03am to 12.50am,i have downed only 1 peg of the my alcoholic companion,and now,that i am done blogging,i must concentrate..:)
